If your loved-one’s health or cognitive abilities have declined since your toddler has been with them, it is important to have some conversations with your child. 

Here are a few examples of ways you can tell the truth to your toddler in a simple way.

• For a Recent Move to a nursing home:  If they remember visiting their grandparent in their home and now they live in a nursing home, it can be difficult for a toddler to understand why. We have had some conversations with our own daughters about why their grandma isn’t at her house anymore.  We explained that “grandma was living by herself and now she needs some more help to be safe.  At the care center where she is living now, there are people there to help her all the time with whatever she needs.” 
• If their grandparent is just in a facility for rehabilitation, that can be explained too:  “Grandma needs some therapy/special exercises to help her get stronger after she fell down.  When she is feeling better and it is safe for her to walk again, she can go home.” 
• If there has been an acute incident like a stroke or heart attack, you could say “Grandpa had a stroke that hurt his brain, it is hard for him to walk and talk right now and his face and the way he moves looks different. But he still loves you very much and would love to see you.  He is working with his therapists and doctors to get better and stronger. It may take awhile and he might not be able to all the same things he used to do.”
•   If there is a cognitive decline/memory impairment happening with a grandparent due to dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease, you can let your child know that “grandma is having some trouble remembering things and needs some extra help. That is why she can’t be at home right now.”  This is an article by the Alzheimer’s Association about talking with your children about dementia.
• This post from todaysparent.com also has some helpful information on explaining dementia to a young child.

I think with children, it is best to be open and honest with them.  They are very observant and if no one explains the changes they are seeing, it can be very confusing for them. 

Being cheerful and calm during a nursing home visit is a great way to model positivity and help our toddler to be more comfortable. At home, it is also alright to express your own emotions about your loved one’s situation in a healthy way.   If you are saddened by a loved one’s situation, your toddler might also be feeling some of those emotions too.  Making a safe time after the visit to talk about those feelings can help process these changes for each of you.  If you are feeling very emotional and need some time to cry or let out your feelings, take some time out for your own grieving before bringing it up with your toddler. Young children can be very sensitive and we want to be able to comfort them with their own emotions rather than feeling overwhelmed by their parents sadness too. 

 When you have young children and a parent in a nursing home, it can be challenging to keep your own cup full when caring for others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and support from those who care about you. 

Prayer is also a healing way to process these emotions.  If a loved one is going through a rough time, you can address this together in asking God for help in prayer.  You can model some ways to pray for them and then give your toddler a chance to add to the prayer.  I find that this can be a great way for them to express the concerns on their mind and find comfort knowing God is listening to them.